Roots, reclaiming and remembrance - how people and families can be supported to consider death as a natural part of life

An article written by Rebecca Lyons, Undertaker and End of Life Doula, President of the Natural Death Advocacy Network and the Australian Home Funeral Alliance.

Humans have been caring for each other in death for thousands of years, long before there was ever a medical model, a notion of care homes or a funeral industry. Home funerals have always been an integral vehicle for building death literacy and normalising death, and importantly, they foster acts of service within communities through the care of our dead.

Another narrative growing in popularity is around the paring back of modern complications and opting to make our body the last great gift to the planet; and options of how we can do this are increasing. The idea that we get to return the elements we borrowed to create our body, back to whence they came, is enticing. These nourishing narratives, grounded in giving back and acts of service, help people approach end-of-life conversations with gentleness and intention.

Roots

People usually come to conversations about death and dying in three ways:

1. Through difficult or disempowering experiences
2. Because funerals are becoming prohibitively expensive
3. People who are eco-conscious in their living, want to be in death.

We know that people say they want to die at home. [1] We know that funeral poverty is a very real problem, and 66% of people say it takes months to financially recover. [2] We also know that death literacy is growing in Australia [3] supported by innovations like compassionate communities and death cafes [4] and roles such as end-of-life doulas. [5]

All of this contributes to a climate where people are seeking more: more knowledge, more transparency, and more meaningful conversations about death and dying—so they can make choices that align with their values.

Reclaiming

My theory is that grief is best served when the last thing you do for your person is an act of service. I often see this reflected in my work, but through my own personal experience of caring for my dead, I know intimately the impact it has. The notion of giving back can manifest in many ways, for example:

• Performing an act of service - hold the dying person’s hand, give care, fill the grave, paint the coffin, tie the shroud, curl grandma’s hair, write the ceremony, hand-lower the person into the grave, turn ashes through soil, witness the cremation… do what feels right because that will sustain you, and them.
• How you think about things impacts how you experience them – living on with gratitude for someone’s legacy is a way we comfort ourselves and each other as we start to reframe our new ‘normal’ after someone dies. By carrying their example into our future, we keep their memory alive.
• When we share our death knowledge, we build a suite of collective wisdom about the end of life which offers the knowledge and language to make choices that match our values and normalises death as a natural part of life.

When people choose just one small part in the care of a person when they are dying or after their death, they perform an act of service which, in turn, supports their grief and bereavement.

Remembrance

Natural burial, water cremation, human composting, home funerals, and family-led deathcare offer alternatives to the industrialised models of deathcare we’ve inherited. These alternative approaches embody a spirit of giving back—to the earth, to each other, and to community. They create space for people to show up, connect, and participate in shared rituals that foster belonging and meaning.

As a society, we’ve always sought to make sense of death—how and why our people die—and this meaning-making has been part of our collective story since the beginning of recorded history. When individuals engage in hands-on deathcare, they carry those experiences with them into future encounters with death. Each time someone dies, the experience helps those around them learn how to cope, support others, and navigate practical matters. Over time, this shared knowledge builds confidence and understanding, making it easier to talk about and deal with death. This growing awareness is what we call death literacy. By participating in these practices, by feeling empowered to share their stories and show up for others, people reclaim the deep, certain understanding that death is a natural part of life—one that no one needs to face alone.

References:

1. Swerissen H, Duckett SJ. What can we do to help Australians die the way they want to? Medical Journal of Australia. 2015;202(1):10-11.

2. Australian Seniors. Australian Seniors: The cost of death 2.0 report. Sydney; 2023.

3. Noonan K, Grindrod A, Shrestha S, Lee S, Leonard R, Johansson T. Progressing the Death Literacy Index: The development of a revised version (DLI-R) and a short format (DLI-9). Palliat Care Soc Pract. 2024;18.

4. Laranjeira C, Dixe MA, Querido A, Stritch JM. Death cafés as a strategy to foster compassionate communities: Contributions for death and grief literacy. Front Psychol. 2022;13.

5. Rawlings D, Van Dinther K, Miller-Lewis L, Tieman J, Swetenham K. Experiences of engaging a death doula: Qualitative interviews with bereaved family members. Palliat Care Soc Pract. 2023;17.

Author

Rebecca Lyons

Undertaker and End of Life Doula

President of the Natural Death Advocacy Network and the Australian Home Funeral Alliance