Complicated feelings
You may experience complicated feelings and emotions. This is normal. It is part of what is happening to you. You and your family members will sometimes feel an overwhelming sense of loss and grief.
Some feelings are related to sadness and some feelings are a result of physical discomfort and perhaps pain. It is helpful to try to recognise what is causing your feelings. The medical team can help with pain and any symptoms that are causing you distress.
A sense of loss, fear, anger or spiritual pain creates intense feelings which may be of a kind you have never experienced before. Talking with someone whom you love and trust is helpful. If you are religious, prayer or talking with your religious adviser may help with these feelings.
Losing control, being overwhelmed
When you have a serious illness, many things change. Some of these will be out of your control. This can affect how you feel, and can in turn affect how you adjust to the changes that are happening.
All of this can be frustrating, and sometimes overwhelming and scary. This may cause you to have difficulty functioning as normal. While these feelings of losing control and being overwhelmed are not unusual, if you can't function you can seek help.
Not everyone is comfortable talking about death and dying. Friends and family may worry about upsetting you. They may be concerned that they will get upset. You may not want to talk about these things or you may want to start a conversation with your family. You can also talk to your doctor or the visiting nurse. They may be able to organise for you to talk to a social worker or psychologist if you need some professional support.
When a person is very ill they will sometimes say that it makes them focus more on the important things in life, such as spending time with family and friends. You may now decide you want to do the things you always wanted to do. This time can be a very special time. Joanne Lynn's book Handbook for Mortals provides useful and caring advice and support.
Would it be helpful to talk to someone?
Sometimes talking to others who are experiencing similar things can be helpful. Support groups are another form of support that many people seek when they are ill, and sometimes it is easier to talk with other people who are going through similar experiences. There are different kinds of groups, sometimes specific to your disease type (such as Alzheimers disease), sometimes for all patients with similar but not specific problems (such as cancer support groups). There are not only face to face support groups but also online ones, which offer forums, bulletin boards and chat rooms. ABC Health Matters has information on Patient Support Groups.
Be confident in the types of support you seek, as some will meet your needs but others won’t. Investigate the different ways of getting the support that you need, and don’t feel that you have to continue with one if it isn’t helpful. Ask for referrals or suggestions from health professionals.
Dealing with the feelings and emotions of others
While managing your own feelings may be difficult, the people who care about you may also be experiencing difficult emotions, and have to make their own adjustments. They may be very sensitive to what you are feeling or worry if you seem not to be coping with what is happening to you. Talking may be helpful for both or all of you in understanding what you are feeling. Some people find an outside family member, friend or professional person can provide understanding and sympathy.
Making decisions
At what can be a difficult time, fluctuating or overwhelming feelings and emotions can often mean it is difficult to concentrate. This may affect your ability to make important decisions. This is something that you may need to be aware of. You may want to discuss important issues with your carer, family and friends or with health professionals.
Most of us realise even when we are well, that we cannot be completely clear and rational about things when we are upset or distressed. This then becomes more of an issue when very ill, when there is so much more to take in and think about.
This page was created on 26 March 2007 and is due for review in March 2009