It is normal to experience intense feelings when someone close is seriously ill. This can be a very confusing time and present many challenges. It is natural that some people will start to grieve their loss even before the person has died. These situations can cause people to become quite numb. They also may feel extremely or unusually vulnerable or emotional.
For those who have not experienced the illness or death of someone close, these feelings can be difficult to describe. Caring for someone who is seriously ill can arouse deep feelings of compassion for their physical situation as well as anguish for their pain and suffering. There can be a sense of helplessness at not being able to make it better. These feelings are quite natural and normal.
At this time, family and friends often want to be around. Sometimes they also can find their feelings and emotions about the situation overwhelming. They may turn to the family carer for emotional support. The needs of family and / or friends may not be something that the carer can deal with, especially if all of their strength and emotions are focused on the caring role.
Equally, the family carer may want to share their feelings with family and friends, to say the things that need to be said. This may provide relief and a sense of calm. There are also times when this may not be true.
Families do not always get on well together for many reasons. Sometimes there will have been unresolved problems for years, that can negatively impact on everyone’s feelings and emotions and the way people behave. These long-standing problems may not change even under these circumstances, and people may not feel able to talk about it with those involved. For others though, this can be an opportunity for reconciliation and forgiveness. Many can feel a sense of peace by resolving some matters, making amends and / or mending friendships.
The depth of emotion aroused in these situations can make people seek different ways of coping. Some people find periods of silence and reflection important. Music may soothe and calm. Others might find a great need to be close to those who they love, or they may prefer to withdraw into themselves. Others find physical work provides an outlet. There is no right or wrong answer, only what is right for each person.
There are also those who may not be able to face what is happening and want to escape. Again, all of these responses are normal and natural around the serious illness of a loved one.
Related CareSearch pages
Family communication
Difficult conversations
Talking with children
Making decisions
When you are seriously ill
Would it help to talk to someone?
This page was created on 26 May 2009 and is due for review in May 2011*