Families do not always live close to each other. People move away, perhaps interstate or overseas. Sometimes this is for work. Sometimes people live far away from family for personal reasons.
The family carer is with the person who is ill most of the time, if not all the time. It is a difficult role to take on. Offering advice to this person may not always be easy. Offering to listen if they want to talk will be more helpful. Finding out about services that can help them if they are finding something particularly difficult, can also be useful.
Family carers often suffer from physical tiredness and distress. This can upset those who are not nearby to help. They may feel mixed emotions of guilt for not being there and relief at not having the same responsibility and disruption to their life.
It can be frustrating when those who live far away return home. Often a lot of fuss is made on their return. This can be upsetting to the family carer who has taken on the caring role, sometimes with little acknowledgement of what they have given up.
Some family members don’t live nearby to a relative who is sick and who lives alone. Trying to help from a distance can be frustrating. It may be difficult to contact health professionals or find out exactly what is happening. Ask the GP for a case conference or family meeting. This will help to find out who is involved and for them to know who the family are.
Distance can cause other problems when someone is deteriorating. Even with modern forms of transport it can take some hours, and sometimes longer, to return to see family and friends. Family who do not live nearby may not make it there in time if the person dies suddenly. This is something that needs to be discussed and accepted as a possibility. When visiting someone who is very sick, be aware when saying goodbye that it may be the last chance to speak with them.
Resources
Related CareSearch pages
Family communication
Finding services
Communicating with health professionals
Family carer role
How to help the family carer
I don’t know what to say
This page was created on 26 May 2009 and is due for review in May 2011